Talking Pineapple Stumps Students, Educators, and Ken Jennings (or How the State of Our Public Education System is Declining)

There has been a lot of talk lately about the talking fruit of certain herbaceous perennial in the news lately. The antagonist in question appears in a brief story called "The Hare and the Pineapple," attributed to children's author Daniel Pinkwater, which has been included in standardized eight-grade reading comprehension tests administered in several states.

A talking pineapple challenges a hare to a race, sparking an uproar in middle schools across the country.

The problem, according to many students, parents, and even educators, is that the story is absurd and the questions incomprehensible. I'll let you be the judge of that for your self. Here is the text, as presented by the New York State Education Department.

"The Hare and the Pineapple"  
 by Daniel Pinkwater

 In olden times, the animals of the forest could speak English just like you and me. One day, a pineapple challenged a hare to a race. 
 (I forgot to mention, fruits and vegetables were able to speak too.) 
 A hare is like a rabbit, only skinnier and faster. This particular hare was known to be the fastest animal in the forest. 
 “You, a pineapple have the nerve to challenge me, a hare, to a race,” the hare asked the pineapple. "This must be some sort of joke.” 
 “No,” said the pineapple. “I want to race you. Twenty-six miles, and may the best animal win."
 "You aren't even an animal!" the hare said. “You're a tropical fruit!" 
 “Well, you know what I mean,” the pineapple said. 
 The animals of the forest thought it was very strange that tropical fruit should want to race a very fast animal. 
 "The pineapple has some trick up its sleeve," a moose said. 
 "Pineapples don't have sleeves, an owl said. 
 "Well, you know what I mean,” the moose said. "If a pineapple challenges a hare to a race, it must be that the pineapple knows some secret trick that will allow it to win.” 
 “The pineapple probably expects us to root for the hare and then look like fools when it loses,” said a crow. “Then the pineapple will win the race because the hare is overconfident and takes a nap, or gets lost, or something.” 
 The animals agreed that this made sense. There was no reason a pineapple should challenge a hare unless it had a clever plan of some sort. So the animals, wanting to back a winner, all cheered for the pineapple. 
 When the race began, the hare sprinted forward and was out of sight in less than a minute. The pineapple just sat there, never moving an inch. 
 The animals crowded around watching to see how the pineapple was going to cleverly beat the hare. Two hours later when the hare cross the finish line, the pineapple was still sitting still and hadn't moved an inch. 
 The animals ate the pineapple. 


 MORAL: Pineapples don't have sleeves

The questions are as follows:

  Beginning with paragraph 4, in what order are the events in the story told?
A. switching back and forth between places 
B. In the order in which the events happen 
C. Switching back and forth between the past and the present 
D. In the order in which the hare tells the events to another animal 


 The animals ate the pineapple most likely because they were 
A. Hungry 
B. Excited 
C. Annoyed 
D. Amused 


 Which animal spoke the wisest words? 
A. The hare 
B. The moose 
C. The crow 
D. The owl 


 Before the race, how did the animals feel toward the pineapple? 
A. Suspicious 
B. Kindly 
C. Sympathetic 
D. Envious 


 What would have happened if the animals had decided to cheer for the hare? 
A. The pineapple would have won the race. 
B. They would have been mad at the hare for winning. 
C. The hare would have just sat there and not moved. 
D. They would have been happy to have cheered for a winner. 


 When the moose said that the pineapple has some trick up its sleeve, he means that the pineapple 
A. is wearing a disguise 
B. wants to show the animals a trick 
C. has a plan to fool the animals 
D. is going to put something out of its sleeve

Needless to say, this concoction has elicited much consternation on the part of confused students, outraged and protective parents, and sympathizing educators. Numerous articles have been published (the most objective and informative of which that I have read has been this New York Times report), editorials written, and a Facebook page has been created. Daniel Pinkwater has chimed in on the subject several times, including an opinion piece in the New York Daily News and this extensive interview published by the Wall Street Journal.

From all of these we learn that the text in the question booklet is actually a highly-modified version of the "fractured fable" excerpted from Pinkwater's novel, "Borgel." When the Daily News first wrote about the test, they published an even more skewed text that stumped even Jeopardy champion Ken Jennings. And Pinkwater himself thinks that using his self-described "nonsense" as the source of a reading test is itself rather nonsensical.

All this being said, is the uproar justified? Personally, I don't think so.

Forget the absurdity of the story, or the fact that it is a bastardized text. Frankly, that really has no bearing on the point of the test. This is really a rather simple exercise in critical thinking. The answers aren't too difficult to figure out with a little thought, as evidenced by the following comment on the Daily News article from a student who is identified by the user name "JAMBECCA."

"I'm an 8th grade honors student who took this test. Do I think the story was absolutely ridiculous? Yes. My whole class was laughing while reading it. We were thinking, "Really? Talking pineapples? Besides that, I honestly don't think the story was that hard. The animals were obviously annoyed because they rooted for the hare and the hare lost. The other question about who was the wisest? I put the owl because he spoke the moral of the story. This story was the joke at my school for the rest of the week, but I don't think it should be thrown out... the questions weren't too difficult." 
POSTED 05:22 PM, Apr 24, 2012

Surveys by The New York Times also showed that while some students were indeed confused, a majority of sampled students at Middle School 54 on the Upper West Side were able to reach a consensus on the correct answers.

In my opinion, the consternation stems from a disturbing and misguided trend in our public education system specifically and society in general: our students are being "protected" from challenges that could result in failure. Rather than teaching our students to seek excellence, we are fostering a generation enmeshed in the comfort of the safe but equal mass of averageness. I believe the negative reaction to this rather unusual story and the questions related to it is a direct result of this mindset. And it causes me to fear greatly for our children's future.